It is tough to be the hero who rescues the damsel in distress when neither the captive nor the capturer takes you seriously. Mind you, the whole hero thing might be a little more convincing if you weren’t wearing a purple jumpsuit with matching cap. The Phantom (Billy Zane) sets out to rescue Diana Palmer (Kristy Swanson) who has been kidnapped by Quill (James Remar) and his henchmen, err…, henchwomen. He scuttles up a bow line and leaps into the porthole only to find himself in a women’s shower. After an apology, he comes upon a trussed up Diana being stripped of her boots by Sala by a luger-toting Sala (Catherine Zeta-Jones). He disarms Sala who, instead of flinching, thrusts her tongue down his throat to check for kidney stones. Diana, now free, is asked to tie up Sala but instead decides a left cross works better. She thanks him and leads the escape off the boat. Somewhat chagrined, he convinces her to let him take over the lead and both are recaptured.

Director:  Simon Wincer Writer:  Lee Falk; Jeffrey Boam Cast:
Billy Zane -  The Phantom/Kit Walker Kristy Swanson -  Diana Palmer Treat Williams -  Xander Drax Catherine Zeta Jones -  Sala James Remar -  Quill Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa -  The Great Kabai Sengh Bill Smitrovich -  Uncle Dave Palmer Casey Siemaszko -  Morgan		David Proval -  Charlie Zephro Joseph Ragno -  Ray Zephro Samantha Eggar -  Lily Palmer Jon Tenney -  Jimmy Wells Patrick McGoohan -  Phantom’s Dad Robert Coleby -  Capt. Philip Horton Al Ruscio -  Police Commissioner Farley Leon Russom -  Mayor Krebs

Did you ever buy a DVD thinking it was one thing and it turned out to be another? I was in my Pirates of the Caribbean frenzy when I saw this one. I thought hot babes and pirates. Cool. After I popped it into the player, I reaslized it was an adult version of a pirate movie. Oh dear. Well I bought it so I’ll watch and see if it was any better than some of the usual adult fare. I found myself liking it despite the awkward transitions, periodic lame dialogue and anomalous set design. I was particularly taken with the comedic performance of Evan Stone as Capt. Edward Reynolds along with the delightful whimsy of Jesse Jane as Jules and the startling presence of Janine Lindemulder as Serena.

Director:  Joone Writer:  Joone; Max Massimo Cast:
Jesse Jane -  Jules Carmen Luvana -  Isabella Janine Lindemulder -  Serena Teagan -  Christina Evan Stone -  Capt. Edward Reynolds Tommy Gunn -  Capt. Victor Stagnetti Kris Slater -  Manuel Valenzuela Austyn Moore -  Angelina		Jenaveve Jolie -  Pirate Dancer Steven St. Croix -  Marco Nhan -  Wu Chow Frank Bukkwyd -  Oxford Brian Surewood -  Gino Harry Bali -  Priest Keyser Soze -  Auctioneer Mando M. -  Incan Monk

When do you know you’ve met the right person, the one you think you can spend the rest of your life with? Page Morgan (Julia Stiles) meets a foreign exchange student who is unlike any of the other men she has met. He quotes Shakespeare, has manners fit for royalty and is willing to listen to what she has to say. But when she finds out that he is a prince, she feels lost and betrayed. What is she to do? Well…

Director:  Martha Coolidge Writer:  Mark Amin; Katherine Fugate; Jack Amiel; Michael Begler Cast:
Julia Stiles -  Paige Morgan Luke Mably -  Eddie Ben Miller -  Soren Miranda Richardson -  Queen Rosalind James Fox -  King Haraald Alberta Watson -  Amy Morgan John Bourgeois -  Ben Morgan Zachary Knighton -  John Morgan		Steve O’Reilly -  Mike Morgan Elisabeth Waterston -  Beth Curtis Eliza Bennett -  Princess Arabella Devin Ratray -  Scotty Clare Preuss -  Stacey Yaani King -  Amanda Eddie Irvine -  Himself Angelo Tsarouchas -  Stu